we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
