My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
