My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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