you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
