I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
