I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I accidentally had phone sex last night
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
