I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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