so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
