You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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