I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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