So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
