pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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