Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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