I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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