Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
