Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
