somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
