i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he thought i was a dude.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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