not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
