i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
