My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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