I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
