when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
