I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize