Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
