Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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