every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize