Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
