Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
