so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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