hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
