Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
