And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
