If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
