the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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