no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
