we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
