omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
