Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
