According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
