She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
