so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I believe in your delicious
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
