I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
