Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
