Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I wish there were birth control emojis
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
