Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize