Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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