Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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