every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
