so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
