you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
