she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize