I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
