the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
