i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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