You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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