Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
