There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
