Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
