Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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