escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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