doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
