the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
