Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
It's Friday. Sex?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
