I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
