I faked an abortion last night.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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