Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
