the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
