It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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