I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
