Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
